I love my new coat.

My mommy accidentally ordered a large mens jean jacket with her work logo on it. And then gave it to ME!

It's wonderful. It's big and comfy and warm, and I can hide in it if I want to, and I can wrap it around myself, and it feels like a blanket ALL THE TIME!
The
It's particularly wonderful to put on my head, as so much entertainment can be derived from all of the pockets and sleeves and stuff.

There's even a massive pocket on the inside! BIG ENOUGH FOR A BOOK!

AND IT WAS FREE!

Rarely has a material possession brought me this much joy.

I think I'm going to take a shower (to get Perkins Remnants off of me) and then get in PJs, and read in my jean jacket.

YAY!

Richard Dawkins :)

I want so bad for the irony to be funny
Just this once
Please

I walk into a church
And wait for the smell of cleaned air
And lightning
And charred flesh
As I crumple to the earth in my
Pretty skirt, and toenail polish
I can’t stop thinking
How little I belong

The priest is kind but
He can’t project and
I’m holding her hand
Praying with a heathen heart for a boy I
Never really knew

And still I mouth the words
“pray for him”

What a place to be
With special benches built as a place
To be on your knees
Beneath clay statues of a dead man
And a mother
Holding him as a child
And staring at the crowd telling then that everything might be okay

But it wasn’t
We all saw what happened
And it was written long before Billy got the news
Only the good die young

The heaps of white lilies are orange in the candlelight
and I watch through stained glass windows as everything goes black.

Daniel leans at the alter in a
Vision of piety
His calloused hands darting between
Head and heart and
Thin shoulders
A cell phone quivers in his pocket
It’s his only girl and
She wants so badly to know he’s okay

Girls inhale in gasps and weep
Black lines falling down their faces like the
Rain on a windowpane

And the boys just stare
Red faced and honest
Breathing in through noses trying so hard not to cry

“How do you go about telling the school
That your son is dead, and won’t be coming anymore?”
She whispers
Quiet like the boys around her

‘the same way you jump into a pool of freezing water’
I think
But I am silent

And Daniel hugs her and walks away
After placing his hand on my shoulder
The fry machine is calling him and
I pray with a heathen’s heart that he’s alright
I saw him cry and
Such a good boy doesn’t deserve the shit he’s getting
No one does

“How do you go out after all this, eat pizza, and listen to people talk about what they’re going to wear tomorrow?
None of it really matters.”
She asks me
And now I speak

“A sense of perspective cannot be afforded.”
And so we eat, and smile, and remember two faces intertwined
And how happy for them we are
And walk home in the night
Licking at ice cream
And trying not to think about any of it anymore

Well, um...





Because.

So... I'm back form Chicago. I would like to go another time, without a grandmother in tow, and perhaps ride the subway and explore the city more. Mostly all we did was do colleges.

The University of Chicago was uniquely intense. I guess I'll apply, but it's certainly a reach school. My mom compared it to a scene in a Harry Potter movie. One second you are in the city, and as soon as you walk through a building you are in this completely enclosed and silent quad, entirely in neo-gothic architecture. It was really nice, but oozing snobbery. I heard more than one poor guy lamenting about something they had done that "nobody cared about." I sort of wanted to laugh.

Loyola was a lot cooler. Certainly academic, but not as intense. I really liked it. Can you see me, a self-described pastafarian, going to a Catholic school? I'd say it's a definite maybe. That'll give everyone an excuse to visit Chicago, I suppose.

Anyway... I'm supposedly going to stay the night with Lindsey in a couple hours. She's coming home a lot later than she told me she would be. Oh well, I suppose we'll just have to stay up late to have our fun. For right now, I'm lonesome, and listening to Sugar Magnolia. What would it be like, to have a hippie man, to have to pay his speeding tickets and take over when he was drunk at the wheel? Fine, I suppose. Same as anything else.

*sigh*

Wish me luck, and bravery,

Hannah

p.s.
that one song

fuuuuuck!

that is all.

not really.

I have begun the long and arduous process of college visits.  Marietta was nice.  Ohio University felt like the epicenter of the Robot uprising, but in retrospect it wasn't that bad.  Just big, and expensive, and full of modern architecture.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for Chicago, where I will be visiting the University of Chicago, Loyola, and Purdue.  I hope to be able to spend some time crawling around the city, but we're staying 30 miles from the city, so we'll see.

Broken hearts want broken necks
I've done some things that I want to forget but I can't

I feel exactly as if I've been put into the Total Perspective Vortex.

urg.


here's to hoping :)

So everything is fine... for now.
~~~

Ohio is manic depressive.  This I'm okay with, because it is happy.  You know the march weather.  Even before the trees bloom, everything is green and sexy and beautiful and echoes with the smell of bonfires and Jim Morrison's voice.  This is the weather that has me doodling hearts in my notebook and everyone and no one.

So, on that note...

my favorite spring song ^_^

The time has come, once again, for me to be genuinely afraid for my dear friend's life.  Nothing can be done on a hunch, I know this.  Nothing can be done at all.

Hopefully I get to school and everything(one) is alright.  But I've got this thing in my stomach telling me that one of these days it won't be.

Today is a bad day.

So this entry finds me sitting at the Miamisburg branch of the Dayton Metro Library system.  I'm here, supposedly, to work on my Creative Writing assignment, a large portion of which is due tomorrow, and the rest next tuesday.  However, where there is internet, there is procrastination.  Tada!

The internet is fabulous, because it lets me watch episodes of Penn & Teller's Bullshit for free.

The weather has been interesting.  No more snow, but instead massive amounts of rain causing flash floods in the two counties directly south of us.  Right now the creeks are pretty high, but I haven't been down to the river.

When my hour here runs out, I will inevitably walk down to the river, seeing as everyone who goes to the middle school comes here once they let out, and there is no way there will be free computers.

I really want to go out and do something right now.  I feel like responsibility for me means being a total social recluse.

Whatever.

I can't wait until the summer.  It will be busy, inevitably.  Swim, work, driving school, and I'll be spending the rest of my time on Lindsey's roof, sunbathing.  It sounds fun to me.

The library sent me the wrong book, but it just so happens it's still one I'm interested in.  Wonderful.

It's amazing how quickly you spend money when you never had it before.

love (hopefully),

Hannah